My Vagina Is Not For Sale

I haven’t discussed any of my actual in person dates yet, so I thought it was about time.  Here you go…

Friday, December 28:  Man (or should we call him man-child?) messages me on OKCupid.

Wednesday, January 9:  I finally respond.  I wish the delayed response was because I was busy with the holidays, but I was just being a slacker.

Friday, January 11:  Man-child responds.

Sunday, January 13:  I respond.

Tuesday, January 15:  Man-child responds with a book.  I call him out on writing a book.

Wednesday, January 16:  He tries to write just one sentence and fails.  My wit and charm inspire him to give me his number.  We text throughout the day until he says he is ready to meet me and asks when I am available.  I have friends coming into town for the weekend, so the first time I will be available is Sunday.  We agree to dinner at a little tapas place in one of my favorite neighborhoods at 6:30.

Friday, January 18:  He texts me the following and we chat for a bit…

Sunday, January 20:  Date day is finally here!  I am nervous because that is what happens to me before dates.  I go to watch the Falcons playoff game with some of my girl friends because man-child does not like sports and it’s kind of a big game for the fair-weather fans of Atlanta.  After the game I make my way to the chosen place. He beats me there and is waiting with a drink.  We joke about the awkwardness of first dates mostly because I am awkward so I point it out.  He suggests ordering a bottle of wine and some tapas to share, so we do. We laugh, talk, and get to know each other and when the check comes, I offer to pay my half.  He refuses.  I look at the bill which makes me feel bad so I offer to pay again. He refuses again and by the end of the night spends about $160 on dinner and drinks.  We kiss goodnight and agree to see each other again.

Monday, January 21:  He texts me and we discuss the possibility of dinner on Tuesday or Friday.  We also share that we have now both sufficiently stalked each other online. I send him a link to let him know he shares his name with a sex offender in Illinois.  (Don’t worry, Mom!  It was not him; I checked the picture.)

Tuesday, January 22:  Man-child texts me and says he feels like he was a little pushy about seeing me today.  I say, “I can do today, but Friday would be better.”  We agree that Friday works but do not set a place or time.  He calls me “sexy lips” which makes me feel super uncomfortable.  (I told you I’m awkward, but that name is also awkward.)  He makes a joke that I don’t get so he explains it.  I say “would have been funnier if I wasn’t so slow” and that is it.  That is it until Friday…

Friday, January 25, 4:00 PM:  I receive a text from a friend about going to a bar because some of our other friends are coming into town from Indiana.  I accept the invitation because I have not heard from man-child since Tuesday and we did not have plans set with time and place.

Friday, January 25, 4:35 PM:  I finally hear from man-child who says he hasn’t heard from me in a while and asks if we are still on for the evening.  I respond that since I hadn’t heard from him and we didn’t have set plans, I had just agreed to meet up with some friends, but suggest that we still meet for a drink or something before I head out for the evening.  He says, “no bigs. don’t worry about it,” so I pick up the phone and call him.

I apologize and repeat basically what I have said already through text messages.  He accepts my apology but still declines meeting for a drink.  He says that this actually happens to him a lot and then there is a bit of awkward silence while I am thinking, “Really?  This happens to you a lot?  You haven’t learned from any of the previous times?”  He breaks the silence with, “I really need to go back to coffee shops for first dates because if this thing fizzles out, it will be the most expensive first date that doesn’t lead to anything.  Actually, it is the most expensive first date I’ve ever been on.”

At this point, I do not know what to say.  I want to remind him that I offered to pay multiple times and he wouldn’t let me, but instead say, “I am not saying I don’t want to see you again.  This doesn’t have to ‘fizzle out.'”  He then informs me that even if we did make plans, he wouldn’t be able to see me until the following weekend and he wouldn’t text me much in between that date and today.  I tell him that I don’t expect texts every day, just one to confirm time and place maybe sooner than 4:30 PM the day we’ve agreed to meet.  He acts like a child, I apologize again and we hang up.

At this point, I am strange mixture of angry guilt so I call my friend to sort everything out.  She happens to be chatting with the man she is dating and starts relaying the story to him.  His response:  “what a dick!”  The fact that there was a male opinion that validated my feelings of anger somehow made me forget the guilt.  It matters that it was a male opinion because sometimes we woman can be crazy.  After further examination of the story, my friend and the male opinion make a very valid point:  if man-child really wanted to see me, he would have texted me before 4:30 PM the day of to decide on place and time. This is what he did before the first date. We continue discussing it and they suggest that the reason he refuses to meet for drinks is because he is expecting repayment for them, and apparently repayment for the last date too. At first I don’t believe them, but thinking about it more and more, it starts to make sense. Why else would he bring up how much he spent on the last date? Why else would he say something about the first date leading to nothing?

Well, man-child, I do not care that you spent $160 on a first date.  Why?  Because, a. that was your stupid decision. You picked the place and the food and the wine. And, b. I can buy my own dinner and drinks, thank you.  Oh, and let’s throw in c. for good measure:  my vagina is not for sale!!