Thoughts on Tinder

“Oooooh…this is a fun game!” Swipe, swipe, swipe.

“Wait, what’s this blue star?” Swipe. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit! What the hell’s a ‘superlike’?!? Shit. I didn’t even look at that guy’s profile.” Seconds later, “…oh well.” Swipe, swipe, swipe.

“Oh, he’s cute!” Swipe.

“No.” Swipe.

“No.” Swipe.

“Yes.” Swipe.

“Nope.” Swipe.

“Well, he looks like he’d murder me in my sleep.” Swipe.

“Nope.” swipe.

“Yes.” swipe.

“Oooh…yes!” swipe.

“Hhhmmm…maybe? Should I swipe right or left? Ugh…I guess I’ll give it a go.” Swipe. “Of course we connected.

“No.” Swipe.

“Absolutely not.” Swipe.

“One picture and no information in your profile? Yeah, no.” (Yes, I do actually read the profiles.) Swipe.

“Creeper.” Swipe.

“oooh…he sounds like fun and he’s cute!” Swipe. “Please, please, please. And of course there’s no connection.”

“Nope.” Swipe.

“You’re a child!  Oh yes…your profile says you’re actually 21.” Swipe.

“Yes, no, yes, no, no.” MORE SWIPING!

“Yes, yes, no, no, no, yes, no, no.” Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, SWIPE.

“Ok. This game is boring.” Close app.

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I’m Baaaack

Well, after 3 years, I’m back. I’m now a 30-something single lady in a new city with plenty of new dating apps to try!  Hope you’re ready for more of my random adventures. Get excited!

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Apparently when I say that I am dating someone this causes a lot of questions.  I am confused by this.  I have been dating people since I started writing this blog.  Isn’t that what it is called?  I mean, I meet someone, we go on a date.  At first I am dating multiple people, but if I stick to just one and we go on multiple dates this means we are dating, right?

Apparently there are also different levels to this dating game.  I guess I am supposed to figure out which level I am on before it is legitimate.  People are telling me it will be easier if I just have the “DTR” discussion.  That is, “Define The Relationship.”  I think I approach dating more like a man than a woman.  I do not care about labels.  Does having a conversation about exclusivity when both parties involved are only dating each other make the relationship more legitimate?

Also, what are these levels?  Is it just dating, dating exclusively, boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, marriage?  Am I missing any levels here?  I feel like I am talking about a video game, but then I guess I would know when my character would “level up” and what exactly this would mean.

Yes, I am ridiculous.  And apparently I need to have a conversation with a certain someone…


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My Apologies…and Updates

I feel I should apologize since I have been MIA for over a week and I know you are all patiently waiting for updates.  Maybe not, but humor me here.

Let’s start with Man-child.  He contacted me the day I wrote about him on here and said he was debating whether or not to text me all week.  Since I accidentally viewed his profile while writing My Vagina Is Not For Sale, it prompted him to grow a temporary pair and actually do it.  The conversation was a lot of back and forth.  After some accusations that girls “speak in code,” I explained that I do not.  I really meant it when I said that I was sorry things didn’t work out that Friday, but I did want to see him again.  I told him that the ball was in his court, so he responded that we should get together the following Friday.  I was going to be out of town for the weekend so we agreed on Sunday.  Thursday, he texted me and said he had the flu so I was “off the hook.”  I’m pretty sure he would have been better by Sunday if he was aware that he had the flu on Thursday, but I just wished him well and have not spoken to him since.  This is why I say his balls were temporary, which is probably for the best.

Cocaine also texted me the day I posted about him.  I started to think these men had figured out I was writing this blog.  I know this is just my paranoia.  He tried to get me to agree to a second date but I said the way he reacted to our last conversation scared me and explained that I needed a man who didn’t NEED me, but WANTED me in his life.  These are two very different things.

Brian Boitano and I texted a bit more and finally made plans to see each other again, but when date day came, I did not hear from him.  He texted me the next day to see if I was free, but that was the night of my bowling league (yes, I bowl…no, I’m not good) so I had to turn him down.  I haven’t heard from him since.

Which brings us to The Hobbit, and the real reason I have not been posting.  I have actually been dating The Hobbit.  Multiple dates with the same person.  Weird, I know.  We have seen each other a couple times a week since that first date.  He even met some of my friends this weekend.  One of these friends said, “awkward + awkward = awesome” referring to the two of us together, and he responded, “if she wasn’t awkward, I wouldn’t be as attracted to her.”  (Insert “aaawww” sound effect here.)  All is going well so far, which gives me less to write about.  No worries though, I now have all the questions and awkwardness that comes with a relationship rolling around in my head.  They will soon spill out here, along with more stories from me and friends.

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Lesson Learned

When I started my blog, I had the intention of keeping it anonymous.  Unfortunately, I decided to tell some of my friends and family so I actually had some readers.  I say this is unfortunate for a couple reasons.

First, my mother reads this, and knows who is writing it.  I find myself filtering content so I do not worry (or disturb) her.  I just want to say sorry in advance to you, Mom, for any crazy things I post.  I love you!

Second, I have at least 5 friends on OKCupid.  You would think that in a city as large as Atlanta there would not be a lot of overlap.  This is completely incorrect.  Some of my friends have been on several dates with the same men as each other.  I never say anything to these friends because I feel they are all entitled to their opinions.  Some of my friends have been on several dates with men that I’ve exchanged messages with.  Some of these messages were featured on my last post, Compilation of Crazy.  I guess it will only be awkward if things get serious and I have to meet one of them in person.

Third, one of my dates from Cocaine, Hobbits, and Brian Boitano used to work with one of my friends.  I hate to admit that I discovered this through Facebook stalking, but that’s the truth.  And now, I fear that anything I write about this man will get back to him.  Oops!

So, if I ever start another blog about online dating, I now know to keep it truly anonymous.

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Compilation of Crazy

Atlanta was recently ranked by Men’s Health Magazine as the best city in America to find love online.  Knowing that this ranking came from Men’s Health Magazine and is most likely talking about men finding women, it makes more sense, but I would still like to extend my sincerest apologies to those of you out there in other cities testing your luck in this online dating world.  If the below compilation of crazy is what the Best City has to offer, I cannot imagine what the rest of you are going through.


Please note the time elapsed between messages.


FetLife? More on this later…

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If you’re going to send me a knock-knock joke, please don’t forget the punchline.

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This man was in town for 2 nights.


Best part? This person lived in IL. I am in GA. So, yes, only in your imagination, sir.

moustache ride

I wish he had pictures in his profile so I could see if his creepy mustache was worth riding.




Um, thanks?


Well, you will have to be a bit more clever to “get in my pants.”

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And even Christian Grey came to play.

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Young lady? This man was 2 years younger than me.

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Plenty of T & A questions.

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Yes, it is hard work being full time sexy. And thanks for spelling sexy with the “xxx.”

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I am not your baby.

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And the infamous vegetable question.

Good luck to us all!

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Cocaine, Hobbits, and Brian Boitano

Here are the stories of my 3 dates from last week…

The first was Wednesday. We met at a bar and chatted over drinks. He casually mentioned that he had been clean from cocaine for 9 years, but then said he did a line 10 days ago. He sometimes buys for his friends (sounds like a good idea) which is why he had it on him.  I just responded, “snorting things freaks me out.”

We ended our date with a hug and went our separate ways. I did not think the date went that well, but he texted that night and said it was good to meet me and continued to text me until on Friday he finally said:


You can see from my response in blue that I was a bit hesitant to jump into dating this one. Our conversation went on through text messages and he basically told me that he knows it’s a lot to ask, but he could really use support through all of this. Um, dude, we’ve been on one date. Yeah, that’s a lot to ask.

He then got mad at me saying that I was judging him. I explained that while I would give him “selfish” because I was only thinking of myself in this situation, I was not judging him at all.  After one date I don’t know him well enough or care enough to pass judgement.

From past experiences, substance addiction is not something I can deal with, but I am trying to keep an open mind about all the people I’ve come across on OKCupid.  When a 5′ 4″ man messaged me, I thought I’d give him a chance.  I’m 5′ 3″ so he’s taller than me.  I just can’t wear heels.

So Thursday, I met the 5′ 4″ man for drinks and live music.  At one point during our conversation he told me that his mom lives in what they call “The Hobbit Hole” because she is only 4′ 11″ and you have to go down stairs to get to her front door.  Hilarious.  I’m glad I kept an open mind because we had a great time, so there will definitely be a second date.

This brings us to Friday night and Brian Boitano.  We went to dinner and planned to go ice skating, hence the whole Brian Boitano nickname.  I was worried he was going to bust out a Triple Salchow while I was running into walls, or innocent bystanders, since that is the only way I know how to stop myself on skates.

We ended up going to a bar after dinner instead of skating, and had fun, but I think he may be too nice for me.  I don’t want to date an asshole, but I do need someone who challenges me, isn’t offended by my truckdriver language or 12 year old male sense of humor, and will put me in my place when I’m being an asshole.  Since I am trying this whole open minded thing, I will give it another shot and keep you posted.

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